It’s April, and you’re four months out from your epic, earth-shattering breakup. You’re doing great, kid. Emotionally tougher than a spiderweb. Proud of you. You also think you’ve found new love. You think the universe is sending you a sign that you have nothing left to learn from singlehood, that you’ve found a truly great guy already, and who are you to argue with the universe? But oh man, there’s so much more to come. In fact, I think you can sense it. You’re not done exploring. Because the universe isn’t deciding shit. You and you alone are creating your story and identity and setting the course for your life.
Repeat this to yourself: Every day you are independently out in the world, Amanda, living that deeply considered and forward-moving life of yours, is better than a day spent cooped up in a relationship that is just “good enough” or “better than the last one.” Don’t sell yourself short. Give yourself room for your standards to rise. You think you skirted that breakup without any damage to your confidence or self-worth, but you’re still telling yourself you don’t deserve to find someone who’s going to meet you at your level, help you fulfill your true potential intellectually, emotionally, sexually. That person (or people) who is going to make you feel the most yourself you’ve ever felt is still around the corner.
Here’s the truth: You are going to have a frustrating early summer (that guy with the abs and the quippy banter that you think you love can’t challenge you, you’ll discover, and he’s going to exit the picture and be forgotten quicker than he entered). But then, you’re going to have a late summer filled with the best, most fulfilling, eye-opening sex and intimacy of your entire life. And you don’t even know it yet. Imprisoning yourself with someone who doesn’t push you and then meet you there does nothing but inhibit your progress as an individual. This isn’t dating; it’s data collection, remember? And you belong out in the field. You are doing everything right, so surrender to the rest. Your mind and body will thank you.